Hey people. I'm back. So 1:44AM and I'm not asleep yet. That's a problem. Oh well. Life goes on. This also the first blog I'm posting from my phone so we'll see how this turns out. Anyways... I been thinking. Like thinking thinking. And I've come to the conclusion that I think something might be wrong with me. To be honest... okay let me put it to you like this. I am the exact oppisite of what LL Cool J means. Ladies do not love me. Why that is? I'm not sure. That's why I say something must be wrong. I mean like... I take showers, brush my teeth, and make sure my hair is decent so its not a hygine (sp) thing. I don't wear Gucci or Louis Vuitonn (nobody really does), but I'd like to think I look nice so its not a clothing style issue. My personality? Okay so yea I'm a corn ball sometimes and no I'm not always "mr. Smooth", sometimes I can be awkward around people and I don't always "fit in". All that aside, I'd like to think the fact that I'm a funny, sociable, spotaneous (sp), willing to suffer a little physical pain so that other can laugh, attempting to spiritual kinda guy would overshadow my faults. Apparently not. Or maybe there is nothing wrong with me. Maybe I'm just not what can be considered "attractive". But why not? I don't know. It bothers me though and definitely gets me down sometimes. To date, I only know of 1 girl who's liked me. The didn't turn out good in the end (that's another story for another blog sometime). But that's not the point. The point is that I'm just not the "ladies man". With every single girl I meet, it turns out the same way. Me and "her" (whoever the female may be) talk, get to know each other, and I become their "best friend". The problem is, girls usually don't date their best friend. They find a guy, date him, and then tell their "best friend" about it. I don't meet girls with intention of trying get a girlfriend. I meet "her" to establish a friendship. Whatever may happen, I can't control it. Though, as I stated earlier, it always turns out the same way... *sigh* I know I'm young, but, it's like to have that "other half" gives a sort of feeling of completion. And without that special someone, there's a void. Well I'm living with that void. And from the looks of things, its not gonna be filled by anybody any time soon sadly. So I walk day-to-day with a hole in my heart and weight on my back, trying keep sane amongst (sp) the daily madness that I go through. There are people along the way who help, so you know what world? I think I'm gonna be alright. Or at least pretend to be. Now its 2:10 and I need sleep. Long day ahead of me tomorrow. I have to go preaching (have the CO visitng), then maybe get a temp at the barber shop, be at school by 1:30PM for the job fair. Oh yea let me tell you a little about that. Basically what's gonna happen is there will be potential employers at my school. And I basically have to sell myself. Yes, I have to be a prositute to these "shirts and ties" in order to get where I want to be. So I have to sell myself in a professional manner. Hence the reasoning behind my word "profestitute". Not gonna explain that. You all should be able to put 2 and 2 together. Professional + prositute = professtitute. See? I explained it. Anyways... I'm totally bummed now. I'll try to find some free time before 1:30 to post again.
Until then... that's what's goin on in the world (of me).
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